There really isn’t much you can do to prepare yourself for something as profound as Burnt Envelope. Punk this “pure” has to be fake these days, or does it? We stumbled upon this band (or is it high concept performance art?) the old fashioned way, on a podcast while being quarantined for a global pandemic, and its charm and impressively brazen lack of luster wiggled its way deep inside the Hozac brain trust, big time. Starring the eternally optimistic Anthony Pasquarosa (formerly of Weeping Bong Band, Frozen Corn, Gluebag, etc), the Burnt Envelope concept is very easy to swallow, and impossible not to immediately heave back up. If there was a “ballet” for sloptastic stoner-sweat exercise routines, this would be the Swan Lake. And Burnt Envelope would probably end up drowning in that lake, because you, my dear, are indeed “Stuck in this World.” If you’ve been curious about Ancestry.com and the like, “23 and Me” will be the song that gets you through the rest of 2023 with a spring in your step, a smile on your face, and a shot in your eye. “I’m A Chameleon Parts 1&2” are some of the most ambitious tracks ever released on this label, a seriously hypnotic soured mash of “Sister Ray” and Randy Savage/Mean Gene Okerlundisms that will cast a heavy spell, only to crack your wits out with a Maggots-esque “Nothing To Do” that will leave you dizzy and drooling. Set up as singles across the dehumanizing entire LP, every two tracks is in essence a “single” and quickly sears your fingers/toes and brain/ass simultaneously.

Burnt Envelope is the modern national treasure you never knew we had, a brilliant barrage of slop punk perfection and black humor that shows we’ve still got a long way to go with “evolution,” and a nasty reminder of the beauty of a perfectly fried guitar solo. Will this immaturity get old any time soon? Not as long as baby shit stinks it won’t, and this incredible LP will give you the courage you need to tackle tomorrow’s hurdles, at least in your brain. Don’t worry, we won’t let many people get copies of this, we promise. People in stone houses shouldn’t thrown glass as it just gets everywhere, and it’s a huge mess to clean up….